The Power of Presence

On April 13, 2006, my step-father, Raymond Gonzales, Sr., passed away after his courageous battle with cancer. Along with members of my family I attended his Memorial Service today and listened as my step-brother, Raymond Gonzales, Jr., shared the following tribute he wrote for our Dad, titled "My Hero":



My father was a private man with simple needs and desires; a man who lived life to its fullest with reckless abandon. My Dad also was the kind of guy that jumped head first into action without any thought of consequences. Dad loved to fish, go boating, and camping. We played golf together, drank together (I'm not going to tell any of those stories), and played pool together. Dad taught me how to play pool before I could see over the table; he would challenge his friends to a team match and we would beat them every time. I was so impressed with Dad. He was my Hero.

Dad loved to take family trips. We've come to know them as our 'Grapes of Wrath’ trips. We would load everything we could into/on top of our old station wagon and head for the water. With clothes flying out the windows at times, ice chests (And one time a mattress being left behind in our wake), we would finally make it to our destination...usually late.

On one such trip we made it to the beach. In Dad's excitement, he pitched our tent on the beach and joined us to play. We played that evening like all kids do without a care in the world because we were with our Dad, our Hero. My sisters and I found a crab that day at the end of my Mom's toe as she screamed for help. We saved her life and put the crab in a bucket. We could not take our eyes off that crab as we fell asleep in our tent that night, only to be awakened by a wet sensation. Dad had jumped head first when he selected our camp site and pitched our tent at low tide on the beach. So when the tide came up at the wee hours of the morning our camp was drenched, our beds were soaked, and our crab was gone. We were heart broken over the loss of our crab, but everything else was OK because we were with our Dad, our Hero.

Dad's life was like the tide: rolling in, rolling out...sometimes there, sometimes not. It's no wonder he loved being on the water so much.

One of Dad's other great talents was his ability to fix anything with duct tape and wire. He learned this craft on the side of many roads (Usually when we were on a family trip). My Aunt Sara confirmed my Dad’s ingenuity by telling me about a return trip from Lake Tahoe with my uncle John, Mom, and Dad. No one was planning on bad weather, so of course they didn't have snow chains. They found themselves stranded in a snowstorm, unable to make it home. However, this was familiar territory for my Dad. So, they searched for some wire knowing that duct tape would do them no good. They found several wire clothes hangers in the trunk; my Dad and uncle John took those coat hangers (Imagine this), wrapped them around the car tires as snow chains...which got them home safely. Now that's a story! Dad was my Hero!

We are here today to remember my father, honor his life, and glorify God. I know some of you are thinking, “Where was the evidence of God in his life?" I know my father did not chase after God’s's heart, but as I share the following stories I think we will all include that God was present in Dad's life and working on his mind, heart, and soul throughout.

It started at age 13 when Dad was diagnosed with Rheumatic fever. They called in a Priest to pray over him, because the family thought he was near death. God was with my Dad...he was playing with his brother and sister the next day. This set the pace for Dad's life. Over the next 55 years Dad journeyed through life (Living everyday as if it might be his last), always running from the Lord. He had many near death experiences including a couple of stab wounds, three major car wrecks, throat cancer, heart infection, and a brain aneurism that the doctor said he would not survive. And if he did, he would not walk or talk again. Six months later he fully recovered as a kinder, more gentle man. God was with him. We counted them all up and were amazed: 10 trips in all to ICU. Dad, you were an amazing man!

The Fifth Commandment says: 'Honor your Father and your Mother that your days may be long upon the land which the Lord your God is giving you.'

Dad did not expect that his life would be this long, but God had a plan and my father accepted the Lord at age 68.

Through my Dad's passing God has shown me again the awesome responsibility we all have as fathers, and that we must be the spiritual leaders of our families. Today we need to reflect on our lives and the life we are leading, to challenge ourselves to be fathers worthy of the responsibility God has given us: be Heroes to our children.

I thought I was prepared for my Dad's death, but through his passing I realized I was not. A father's love cannot be replaced. As I watched my Dad take his last breath, I realized what a tough man he was along with all that he meant to me. I always knew my Dad was my Hero...but on that day I came to realize it even more.

Thank you Dad for preparing us for life's journey and showing unconditional love for us. I want you to know that I was proud of you. I hope and pray that I will honor you by the way that I live my life as you have honored me as my father and my Hero. I love you, Dad."


As I listened to my step-brother I was reminded of conversations I had with my step-father back in October, 2005. I visited California primarily to check on my step-father and mother after learning of his diagnosis...to offer my help or service in any way I could. In one conversation, he told me that he loved life and didn’t want to die. He began to weep. I walked over to him, hugged him, and said, "I love you. What can I do to help you?" He replied, "There is nothing you can do for me. I don't need anything, thank you." In 33 years I'd never seen my step-father cry.

Afterwards, I emailed my Pastor and asked him, "How do I help someone who is dying? What can I do for him?" My Pastor replied, “Spend time with him, listen to him as he talks about life, take walks with him, etc. There is power in presence; what he needs most is...your presence.” So, I did just that. I listened to my step-father as he talked about his children, my mother, his sister, his love of the outdoors...and complained about his pain, his diet, his inability to get a good night's sleep, and his doctor. I nodded and smiled sympathetically. I offered to walk with him, but he declined. Then later...I wept.

Today, as I listened to Ray Jr.'s tribute to my step-father, I was glad that I took the time to be with him in October, 2005. As I sat there in that funeral chapel, I silently said to myself, "I had no unfinished business with my step-father; he knew how I felt about him...that I loved him."

Until we meet again, goodbye Dad.