Falling Down

In April of 2004 I fell on the job. I attempted to break my fall by extending both arms out in front of me; however, my arms were laden with legal-sized escrow files. As files fell around me I slammed down into the floor...landing first on my right wrist...then onto my right elbow. Immediately, I felt as if I'd been stabbed with a sharp instrument in both my wrist and elbow. A visit to the emergency room revealed no breaks or fractures; however, I did tear cartilage, tendon, and ligaments in my wrist, elbow, and shoulder. And as a result, I’ve had three surgeries and one shoulder manipulation to date. Fast forward to March, 2006...

Two months ago I had surgery on my shoulder and was laid-up for two weeks. While under anesthesia, I was given a spinal block in my neck to minimize post-operative pain in the shoulder...it didn't work. When I woke up I was immediately given Morphine for the intense pain I felt in my shoulder. As days passed I began to experience stabbing pains in my neck, as well.

Upon the second post-op visit to my doctor I informed him of the pain in my neck; he explained in detail how I'd been given a spinal block at the base of my neck where it meets my shoulder during surgery. After examining my shoulder and neck he admitted that the spinal block hadn't 'worked' in my case. He then referred me to a neck doctor who injected my neck with Cortisone to reduce the pain. After just two injections (His intention was to give me four) I told the doctor, "No more shots! I can't take any more pain." I could barely talk...pain from the injections and uncontrollable sobs had left me breathless. I confess: the pain from those two injections was far more piercing than the pain I felt when I woke up from the surgery!

Furthermore, along with the chronic pain in my neck, I wake each morning with a severe headache. My doctor assured me that the ache in my neck will go away with time, as will the headaches. He prescribed Amitriptyline and Cyclobenzaprine to take each night at bedtime to avoid headaches and muscle spasms in the mornings. Now, I awake each morning with a metallic taste in my mouth and lethargic...rather than with excruciating pain.

Consequently, this morning I woke up feeling depressed and frustrated: two months ago I went into surgery to get my shoulder fixed...and came out with chronic pain and muscle spasms in my neck. The entire ordeal has been physically and mentally exhausting...a literal 'pain in the neck'! And then (During my devotion time with the Lord) I read the following in Joel Osteen's Your Best Life Now:

"We all face challenges in life. We all have things that come against us. We may get knocked down on the outside, but the key to living in victory is to learn how to get up on the inside.

I heard a story about a little boy who was in church with his mother. He had so much energy; he just could not sit still. In fact, he kept standing up on the seat. His mother kept telling the son to sit down. He'd sit down for a few seconds, and then he'd get right back up. His mother would gently reprimand him and tell him to sit down. This happened several times, and then the little boy stood up and simply would not sit down. His mother took her hand, put it on his head, and pushed him down onto the seat. The boy sat there smiling. Finally, he looked at his mother and said, ' Mom, I may be sitting down on the outside, but I'm standing up on the inside!'

Sometimes that's what we have to do in life. Our circumstances may force us to sit down for a while, but we must not stay down. Even when we are sitting down on the outside, we must see ourselves as standing on the inside!"

As I read Joel's words I realized that I have been ‘sitting down' on the inside while sitting down on the outside for several weeks now. However, as a victor (Not a victim) in Jesus Christ, I am to 'stand up' on the inside while sitting on the outside!

Thereafter, my attitude went from being very bad to being almost good. I went into my bedroom, got down on my knees, and prayed, "These injuries are not going to defeat me or rob me of my joy. I know I’m a child of God and He has plans for me. I will hold firmly the belief that Jesus is going to work this suffering out for my good and His eventual glory. I may be sitting on the outside, but I choose to stand on the inside! Amen."

Currently, I am undergoing physical therapy three times a week until I regain complete range of motion and strength in my right arm. I see the doctor again in one month. Please continue to keep me in your prayers...all of you who have 'carried' me since that dreadful fall two years ago. I wouldn't have recovered as well as I have without your prayers and support along the way.


PS. Someone once said, "Failure does not come in the falling down. Failure comes in not getting up and trying again!" Oh...my shoulder is healing splendidly!!!